I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
