come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
