I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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