Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
