Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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