The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
