There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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