Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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