Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
