Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Who died my cat blue again?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
