He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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