So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
