conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
