I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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