I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You are a genius and a whore.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
