Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
