4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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