i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
