It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
