To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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