Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
