pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
