So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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