She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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