I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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