Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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