Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
