drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
