I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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