is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
