Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
