saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
