We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
