If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
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since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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