Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
