I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
