Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
