Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
