WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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