I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
