I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
