The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
