dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Randomize
