i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
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