just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
