Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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