K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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