dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
