i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
