im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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