She is in my trunk
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
pop tarts are not kleenex
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
