Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You dont lie about slip and slides
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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