I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
