So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
