Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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