mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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