who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
