Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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