Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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