Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
