he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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