hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
