life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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