im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This baby is an asshole
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
