I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
you never un-have a 4some
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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