true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
