the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
