The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
