Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
