Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
