We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
