Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
