but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
