I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Randomize
