Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
