Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
