That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
