The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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