I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
