Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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