Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
